if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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