I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
