What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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