All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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