ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
