he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
