Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
