I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
