Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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