i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm too high and old for this...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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