Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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