Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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