I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
