How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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