I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
