So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize