I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
