can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize