and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
