I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
