Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
