He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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