Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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