what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
as a side note pls kill me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
