Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
