You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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