i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
