U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
