id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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