i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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