you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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