Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
