last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
