i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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