I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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