That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
