You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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