I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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