this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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