there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How's work?
Spinning.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
