He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
