Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
