I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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