He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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