Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize