my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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