Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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