The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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