I can text with my tongue
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize