we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
