it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
