Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sobbing to NWA
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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