What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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