I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
