I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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