you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
