you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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