You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
