remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
