in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
