how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
