He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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