i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
