I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
barbara walters just said penis...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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