Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize